a deep ocean of secrets [my heart is still going on...] [entries|friends|calendar] Le Coeur De La Mer [ website | smoking room ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(sink a ship) much too much [23 Apr 2008|11:45am] [ mood | confused ] i just realized that school is about to be over for the summer. you'd think i would have thought about that sooner.

(3 lifeboats | sink a ship) i am going to [12 Apr 2008|09:50pm] [ mood | complacent ] try writing in here once more, and see if anyone notices. are you here? are you reading this? let me know. i haven't been on in months and do not know who's still alive.

(sink a ship) every, every minute [06 Jun 2007|11:46pm] [ mood | enthralled ] This is how much I miss you; last night, I had a dream we were on the TITANIC.

(sink a ship) slice it frozen. [20 May 2007|08:15pm] [ mood | anxious ] Went to a read-through today. It was pretty fucking alright.

(7 lifeboats | sink a ship) i've got the beat [18 May 2007|01:12pm] [ mood | cheerful ] What the fuck. Every new day that I am awake is the new best day of my life. Honest! Really a lot of shit has happened since I wrote anything about anything in my journal. It has all been good. ( examples. )

(2 lifeboats | sink a ship) [06 May 2007|02:46pm] [ mood | enthralled ]

(sink a ship) ONE MORE DAY OF BEING SICK, I THINK. [05 May 2007|11:07am] [ mood | drained ] UNTIL THEN, LIVE THE LIFE I'M LIVING AND ENJOY DAVID FIRTH. WHO IS HOTT, BY THE WAY.

(2 lifeboats | sink a ship) oh shit fuck [27 Apr 2007|12:18pm] [ mood | refreshed ] I always felt so far from you Like something wasn't right But tonight I rest my head inside the crook of your arm & I feel like a golden star Exploding Though everything has come undone The distance between us closes And everything is suddenly Exploding The film expo was pretty fucking rad. I liked the films this time a lot better than last years, and Ronnie pretty much fucking swept up. I actually think he ended up winning every single thing he was up for. Awkward. I started to feel sick around intermission time, so I didn't get to do as much taaaaaaaalking to people as I wanted to. But whatever. My browser window randomly closed twice before I could finish typing this, and that's just how bad Insight communications really is.

(5 lifeboats | sink a ship) i don't give a shit about wood. [23 Apr 2007|06:28pm] [ mood | restless ] Dude, fuck this. My academic adviser is really pissed off at me. Here's why: I emailed her to set up an appointment [weeks ago] to get my classes scheduled for next semester, and told her what times I was free. I am very anxious about this. She doesn't hit me back for like a week and a half and when she does, she tells me to come in on a certain day at a certain time. I don't have a fucking laptop, and I live off campus, so it's kind of inconvenient for me to check my mail in the middle of the day. Because of this, I am unaware she wants to meet me at this time, due to the fact that she sent the message about two hours before she wanted me to come. She sends me a shitty email, telling me she waited up for me and I never showed up. So I message her back, saying I was sorry, and asking her if we could meet this Friday, since I'm not around on Thursdays. She never says anything back, until today, when I got an email from her about an hour ago which said this: I believe this is the 4th time I've waited for you. I don't have office hours on Friday. Today I've waited for you for an hour. Altogether, I've spent several hours waiting for you. I can't understand why you won't come to my office on Mondays or Wednesdays at 1:00. Do you think I deserve an explanation other than that you forgot to check your email? Lame, considering that as far as I know, I've only missed her one time, which is a meeting that I never even confirmed. I am very fucking stressed out about this, especially because I know every class I want to take and all I need is my fucking pin number so I can sign up for them before they are full. I asked her if it would be easier if she would just email it to me, seven fucking digits, that is all, but she refuses. Total bullshit.

(12 lifeboats | sink a ship) [18 Apr 2007|08:33pm] [ mood | contemplative ] Every day, almost 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes. 1,500 people die each day in the United States due to cancer. 6,600 Africans die of AIDS every day, 3,000 die of malaria. 61,728 civilians have been killed by American soldiers in Iraq. So let's all pray for the 32 families that lost their children at Virginia Tech this week.

(1 lifeboat | sink a ship) bullshit. [18 Apr 2007|06:59pm] [ mood | busy ] I'm working on three papers to turn in at the same time in my Ethics class. I'm labeling them: A Triangle of Autonomy [Why Beneficence and Egocentrism are basically the same word]. I've discovered that Philosophy is a more difficult major for me than it is for a lot of people. It's because I'm an individual relativist, and it's a much smaller school of thought than I had expected. I feel excited about it, though. Rarely does one find an ideology that hasn't been spoken for enough. I may have finally discovered something constructive to do with my education. I could write about it and speak about it all day. And not just be repeating someone else. More importantly; does anyone want a kitten?

(1 lifeboat | sink a ship) form will rest [17 Apr 2007|06:56pm] [ mood | happy ] at first i didn't think anything of it, but you said something very amazing to me just the other day. you said you wanted me to go without you.

(sink a ship) this is just to say... [15 Apr 2007|06:50pm] [ mood | drained ] they exist.

(11 lifeboats | sink a ship) self validation [13 Apr 2007|11:07pm] [ mood | calm ] goddamn i hate the theater. it haunts me. i just watched the prestige and couldn't even really enjoy it because of all the backstageryish scenes. they made my heart beat faster. made me nervous. i don't even know why i stopped being able to deal with the stress. nothing traumatic happened to me; i didn't lose faith in my skill; i didn't get insulted, get undercut. i wondered for a long time if i was just throwing in the towel, but now i'm sure i wasn't. i really just don't like it anymore. in a lot of ways, it's quite like an ex-boyfriend.

(4 lifeboats | sink a ship) verisimilitude. [13 Apr 2007|09:50am] [ mood | curious ] i'm going to hanover college on saturday to enjoy the night with a group of people i only know through facebook. this is probably a stupid idea. i know i shouldn't trust it, but it isn't so much trust that's making me go. it's some sort of need...people don't have adventures anymore; they watch movies about people doing things that they would never do. i don't think i'm so very different from anyone; everyone says they'd take a road trip and be spontaneous or any other sort of thing like that. the things people talk about. but then why isn't anyone going with me? i wanted to sail a crappy raft down the vermillion river this summer, but i can't build a boat by myself. i wanted to do a lot of things. i want to hitchhike from here to the other side of the country and look at the ocean and know i walked there and be really emo, but i'd be raped repeatedly before i even made it that far. some of my friends think i'll be raped repeatedly when i arrive at hanover college, but i'm really not so sure. once again, though, no one wants to go with me, so what choice do i have? they are probably just a group of people tired of already knowing everyone they meet through other friends, exes or enemies. i'm tired of that, too.

(5 lifeboats | sink a ship) this is the fucking funniest thing i've ever read; myspace bulletin [07 Apr 2007|11:00pm] [ mood | HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ] One night a guy & a girl were driving home from the movies. The girl sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The guy pulled over and told the girl he wanted to talk. He told her that his feelings had changed & that it was time to move on. A silent tear slid down her cheek as she slowly reached into her pocket & passed him a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the girls side, killing the girl. Miraculously, the guy survived. Remembering the note, he pulled it out & read it. "With out your love, I would die."

(16 lifeboats | sink a ship) i made this quiz; you should take it. [07 Apr 2007|08:25pm] [ mood | found. ] name something that people tell you you did or said, but that you can't remember. describe something that changed your life, even though it would seem small and trivial to anyone else. what is the genre of your dreams? name someone (who isn't a celebrity), of whom you think about a lot, but have never met. name something that everyone seems to have done, seen, or heard about as a child, but that you didn't know about until high school or later. name a celebrity that you can't stand for reasons that even you don't know. name a movie from your childhood that haunts you, preferably one that you have since tried to locate but could not. which would you rather be: free or safe? which would you rather waste: money or time? finish the sentence: Life is too short to _________. how long should two people know each other before they have sex? describe your frightening encounter with a ouija board. [i am under the impression that everyone has had one.] describe one thing you wish people could know about you before they met you. describe the perfect photograph of yourself [that has or has not yet been taken]. why do you think it takes so much to make some people happy? what color can't you wear? name a book or movie that everyone seems to love, but that you just can't get into. are you ever afraid when you drive, and, if so, of what? name one person [other than someone you've been intimate with] that you would like to have accompanying you in a zombie apocalypse situation. fill in a personal definition of the word "sexy". name the first word that comes to mind when you hear the word "racist". which one of your friends do you think you'd have the cutest children with? and most importantly, are you a vampire or a werewolf?

(6 lifeboats | sink a ship) they look so goddamn much like the same person. [31 Mar 2007|06:42pm] [ mood | busy ] A. It isn't my responsibility to put food on the plates, so you don't have to be a fuck about it. B. Only the Cheeseburger In Paradiser burger comes with a big fucking pickle, and you ordered a Mushroom Swiss Burger, so fuck you. and C. Just fuck you, because you're an asshole.

(7 lifeboats | sink a ship) FUCK, I hate sounding emo. Fuck this. But... [29 Mar 2007|11:34pm] [ mood | discontent ] What are you supposed to say about how you feel, when the thing that upsets you, is so incredibly shallow, that you feel like a deck, but still just can't get past it...? I really feel like no one knows how much I'm bothered about things right now. Where is he? I don't like being single.

(sink a ship) wicked. [22 Mar 2007|08:39am] [ mood | busy ] "She whirled in a small cyclone of black skirts and scarves, and ran out to the Yellow Brick Road. How disappointing they all seemed now. Had these folks deteriorated in virtue since their youth, or had she been too naive then to see them for what they were? She felt disgusted with people, and longed to be home. She was too out of sorts to seek lodging in an inn or public house. It was warm enough to stay outside and rest..." That's the best way I can think to describe it. I'm not in a horrible mood though.

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